The... Operation!!!

I nervously enter the dentist room and sit comfortly on the chair. Then the moment arrives as the dentist himself walks into the room, panic stricken I watch his approach knowing what was to come. How can he remain so calm and smiling as he prepares me for the... procedure!!! It began with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR shots in my mouth! The feeling in my mouth was fading fading fading. Then began the worst part of all... I immediately shut my eyes as the knives were brought out and all the other instruments of torture. He removed an American quarter sized piece of flesh from the roof of my mouth and inserted that in my ultra thin gums on the bottom of my mouth. This is to prevent me from the constant worry of knowing if my mouth was hit too hard I would have dentures before I even graduate from college. As the transplantation was completed he began sewing up my mouth– not my whole mouth, I can still speak muahaha, just the wounds. And with a smile he said it was all done. Done? I can't even feel the bottom half of my face! Is it still there? In about a quarter of an hour I was reassured that my entire mouth was definitely still there– ouch! –even if it wasn't all at the original placement. And now I wait patiently for it to heal and hope for no infections. Now not having the doom of the operation looming over me I will admit my dentist was very nice and I look forward to another more pleasant visit with him in two weeks when he will be so kind as to remove the stitches.

Are You Wearing Green?

Well, you should be!!! It is St. Patrick's Day, the day of green things, leprechauns, shamrocks, and pots of gold. Even if you aren't Irish, you can have fun and be somewhat Irish for the day like my family and I with our St. Patrick decorations and potato meal. For some Irish fun, here are special jokes for the occasion:

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?

A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

*****

'How far is it to the next village?' asked the American tourist. 'It's about seven miles.' guessed the farmer. 'But it's only five if you run!'

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I included this one in honor of a recent post on my blog:

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were talking about their children.

'My son was born on St. George's Day,' remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence,' observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible,' exclaimed the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake!'

*****

While an American farmer was on holiday in Ireland, he fell into easy conversation with an Irish farmer.

'How big is your spread?' asked the American.

'Well look you, it's about 20 acres' he said.

'Only 20 acres!' the American responded, 'Back in Texas I can get up at sunrise, saddle my horse and ride all day, when I return at supper time, I'll be lucky to cover half my farm.'

'Begora,' said the Irishman, 'I once had a horse like that.'

*****

Having had two jokes with Americans, I thought I would include one involving a Swiss:

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing by the road when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks,

'Entschuldigung, können Sie Deutsch sprechen?' The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?' He tries. The two continue to stare.

'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

'Hablan ustedes Español?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss man walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language?'

'Why?' says the youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!'